I can't help but read through these pages and the anger in it annoys me, the anger towards valorn. where does it come from? Who is really directed at? I have come to realize it is myself. we Imps were once light hearted and free within ourselves. Then Hayate was sent into exile. no I started to change even before that, to...lessen myself, but yes...Hayate was the death of my spark. Becoming Leader also contributed. People do not realise how leadership restrains one, restricts us. Leaders can not be as care free.

So i started to conform, slowly try and become socially acceptable. I have become a peace keeping boring diplomat. how pathetic.

No more. I will not be, my guild will not be what others would have us be. a trudging lemming with no flavour no spark, just the same acceptable theme with a diffrent name. To Hades with them all.

My guild sleeps, waking it maybe hard, waking the old members maybe imposable. But the barbarian is still there and he at least remembers what was what, how we were, how we should be, will be. Maybe together. Ahhh I can not help but smile at the prospect. yes...mayhaps.

Finally! It has been a flaming long while since I put ink to parchment. I could not find my journal and when I did. It would not open. Usually when things like that happen I'd open her journal and somehow, through magic no dount. I could open mine. But alas. She hid her journal from me. And no longer carried it with her. So I searched through my friends list. Apparently non of them carry a journal either. Damn them all to hades.

Today I stole Ellyannas Journal, she was the first I came across. It opened all the journals for me. Thanks Lili. Don't presume I read it though., I am not curious enough about you to warrant the time it would have taken to do so.

Hmmm so I am back and I have missed it. I have not been in Valorn for a while now. If one must know I have been in distant lands with Hayate and one named Ala and I have been having a ball. They keep getting me killed tho.

Enough of them. I have missed my journal. More'...I have missed hers. I missed her good bye and though I never told her. It bothered me that I never got to read it. I love reading her journal. To feel her words wrap around me, whether sad, angry, regretful, happy, confused.. They are hers. Does she realize what they mean to me, how they, how she makes me feel?

So..I have read her journal. Laughed, smiled. chuckled and felt sad. She is a wonderful woman. She drives me crazy, frustrates me. Confuses me and scares me. Most of all..she fills me with wonder and happiness. I live for her laughter, her smile. I think I do the same to her.

I know what some of you are thinking from reading this. If I dislike Valorn so much, why do I keep coming back to Trinald? Simple. I love my guild, my friends...the enchantress. And I once loved valorn, it had so much potential when I first arrived, the people were still filled with joy, laughter and excitement, with vitality. And right now, even though things are dull, bleak and boring with the world and therefore its people...the potentual is still there and so I hope. I hope and I wait. I also hope that when things do improve and things wake up the more interesting fun loving people will return and drown out most of the stuffy boring creatures that have remained.

Celestia Greycloak. I have not mentioned your name. Not once. Mainly because your name is no one else's business and I have never been a name dropper But my journal is full of you, is mainly about you. What have you done to me? Bloody woman, bloody enchantress. I love you.